Misery Loves Company
by utopianvisonary
Summary: Life doesn't seem so hard when you're flying high, it's not like you forget all the shit that makes it rough, but it all just doesn't matter anymore. I concentrate on the ecstasy coursing through my veins and think that this wouldn't be a bad way to die. Like really I get why people overdose like this. Feeling this pleasure and then kinda, just, falling asleep. GimmxIchi


Hey guys, utopianvisionary here. First fanfiction so no flames please. rated for explicit content, swearing, descriptive drug use, and smut later on. Please feel free to tell me about an grammatical mistakes, because this hasn't been beta'd.

On that note I'm looking for a beta for this, so please PM me if your interested.

Also I don't own bleach or any of it's characters.

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_Grimmjow Jaegerjaque_

My breath comes out in heavy puffs as I stumble down the street, I've been drinking but it's not enough. I hear my fathers word's in my head over and over and it hurt's so fucking bad my chest feels like it might implode. _you killed her boy, you fucking killed her. _I turn a the street corner and keep walking until I get a a familiar house. It's a run down piece of shit, paint peeling, wood chipping, all that stuff. The male box is over flowing with flyers and I wipe my feet on a door mat with bold black letters stating "FUCK OFF". I knock on the door hastily, continuing to knock periodically until I here someone else on the other side.

"Who the fuck is it?! What the fuck do you want?!" Jesus fucking Christ." I can hear his annoying slur, and growl in annoyance. "Noi, it's me, now let me the fuck in. I need some stuff." I yell through the door, banging harder. He pulls the door open looking at me with an annoyed expression, "Jesus, Grimmjow it's one in the morning. Your goin' to wake up the whole street." He says but I'm already pushing past him. As soon as he closes the door I turn on unsteady feet, taking a second to balance myself. "Give me 3 caps." I demand grabbing my wallet out of my jeans. "Ok ok, calm down I'll go get it." He disappears up creaky stairs and I slump onto an old leather arm chair. It smells like tobacco and piss but I suddenly feel exhausted. I take in the small room I've walked into, presumably some sort of living room, and notice the game cases littering the ground in front of the tv. I pick one up and start reading the back. "Hmph, you want that?" He says from behind me, and I look up quickly in surprise. How didn't I notice him coming down? Those stairs are like a fucking megaphone. "Sometime's guys come and there so desperate for a cap they start givin' me games and shit instead of money. It's fuckin' pathetic." He laughs bitterly and I cringe at it. "Shut the fuck up." I snarl, but my eyes immediately go the ziploc bag he's holding. My wallets still in my hand and I start counting bills "How much?" I have enough a good amount of money right now but the price is always changing with this fucker. "That'd be two fifty." he says shortly, looking away to avoid my enraged expression. "That's like fucking a hundred more than last week!" I yell standing up, my head rushing. "Yeah but stuff been hard to get, the market's rising OK? Now if your not goin' ta pay then get the fuck out of here!" he hisses back with equal malice, shifting his arm to show the kitchen knife in his hand. I growl again but try to calm myself down. "FINE. Here, take it you fucking rat." I say slamming the bills onto a coffee table next to the couch. He smiles widely, handing me the ziploc baggy. "Enjoy." He sings as grab it from his hand. I want to get high so damn much I don't care about that fucker Nnoitra, I just get the fuck out of there.

Why the fuck did I even start? I knew what I was getting myself into, I'd gone to school, heard the warnings, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. But that's a lie, cause I do know why I started. It's cause I was angry, and fucking miserable, and I knew who could get it for me cheap, and I just didn't care anymore. Not about anything and anyone (least of all myself) and I just wanted to get so fucking high that I could forget it all. Kind of like right now.

When I get home I'm sweating with need and can hardly keep my hands steady to cook the dope. I carefully fill the needle and push it into my arm, finding the vein easily; I never miss anymore, and let out a long sigh of relief as warmth spreads through my body. I toss the needle aside, breathing deeply as I slump down onto my bed. My eyes roll back into my head with the rush as every muscle in my body relaxes, every nerve singing with pleasure. My hands fall to either side of me as I experience that mind numbing euphoria that makes me take this shit time and time again. Life doesn't seem so hard when you're flying high, it's not like you forget all the shit that makes it rough, but it all just doesn't matter anymore. I concentrate on the ecstasy coursing through my veins and think that this wouldn't be a bad way to die. Like really I get why people overdose like this. Feeling this pleasure and then kinda, just, falling asleep. Doesn't sound too bad. Shit, I've gotta stop thinking about that, I'm not that fucking weak.

But again I doubt my own thoughts even as I'm thinking them. Fuck. I am weak. I just don't care anymore. I let the high take me away and drift in and out of consciousness.

_Ichigo Kurosaki_

Fuck. Fuck fuck. I hear the alarm go off and see if I can trick myself into thinking I can't hear it. I rub my eyes as I sit up and take in that another day has begun. I groan loudly when I finally open my eyes, the sun blinding as it streams through the window. The curtains are drawn wide, undoubtedly my Dad's doing, and I reach to close them roughly.

When I get to the kitchen Yuzu and Karen are already eating, my Dad going on about some patient that was rude to him the other day. They look bored as hell and Karen jumps on the opportunity to change the subject upon seeing me.

"Ichi-nii. Yo." She says with a short saluting gesture. "feel like I haven't seen you forever, where've you been?" she continues as she sees Dad's opening mouth.

Ahhh, I haven't seen them in a while. Been out, smoking and fooling around and doing shit that I don't think they wanna know about. I'm a seventeen year old kid, k? I'm not going to delude you with illusions of me being mature, or responsible or any of that shit that people seem to think about me.

"Yeah sorry about that, I've been studying late with Renji." Is my lame reply. "Oooh, Ichi-nii you shouldn't work so hard. Your marks are already so good! You should come home earlier." Yuzu chirps with concern as she clears her plate from the table, she pauses in front of the sink whirling around and smiling suddenly "Would you like some ichi-nii?"she gestures to the eggs and bacon still in the pan on the stove, her eyes look so hopeful and it hurts me a little bit to refuse. "Nah, I'm ok. Gotta head out now anyways, Rukia's going to waiting for me early in the library and I don't want to be late." Her eyes fall a little at my words, but I rush in saying my goodbyes as I pull on my shoes and leave the house, not wanting to hear her response.

Its early spring and the weathers still cool. A strong gust of wind hits my wind breaker and I walk faster as it whips through me and I shiver. I tuck my head down, trying to shield my stinging ears. Shit, why couldn't the damn weather just be nice for once? The winter had been long, coldest on in twenty five years, and it just didn't seem to want to end. I cursed under my breath as the wind hit me again, making my eyes water. I sighed as I finally reached Kankura High, I might get good marks but I hated school as much as the next kid, and dreaded every new day. I think something's wrong with me actually. Like maybe I'm depressed or something, my own lack of motivation scares me sometimes. I'm glad I'm smart because if I wasn't I'm pretty sure I would be close to failing everything. I sigh at the thought of meeting Rukia, I would have to talk to her. Make conversation, why is that such a draining thought when I'm sober?

"Ichigo!" someone yells and I turn to see Rukia hurrying from behind me, boots thudding across the pavement, a cigarette hanging loosely out of her mouth. I stop and wait for her nodding in greeting, before continuing with her at me side. We walk in silence for a few minutes, the smoke from her cigarette making clouds around us, the only sound being the wind and the clacking of her tightly laced boots. "Hey you want one?" she asks pulling out a new pack once she stomps out a spent butt. I look down at her for the first time since we met up. Her hair is getting longer, curling slightly around her face, framing delicate features, and large grey eyes looking up at me expectantly. I look at her lips, there full and pink and her snake bites look out of place on such an innocent face.

"You got anything recreational?" I ask suddenly, my eyes meeting with hers. She smiles, "Hmph, thought you were going to stare all day. Yeah, I do" She says hands searching though her pocket before pulling out a dime bag of weed. "Shit man that smells strong put it away before someone sees." I say hastely looking around at the empty street nervously. I'm kind of a prude considering how long I've been doing this." K, yeah lets smoke it before we get to school. I have Advanced Chemistry and god knows I don't want to go to that sober."

"Starting a little early aren't we?" She teases, but she leads me to a place behind the school where we know won't get caught, and when she asks if I have paper's I pull them out eagerly. I was right, it was strong. We've been smoking twenty minutes, making small talk when it starts to hit me hard. "Shit, this is good, where did you get it?" I ask as I take a long drag, holding it in for as long as I can before exhaling. "This kid from our school. You know..." Her eyes are are glassy and already starting to turn red, her words are a little slurred. "That kid, I think he's in first period with you. The one all those first years try to ask out before they realize how fucked he is?" I search my mind for who she's talking about but it takes a little longer than it should have, we've both smoked three blunts already. Oh shit, yeah I know exactly who she's talking about. "You mean Grimmjow Jaegerjaques?"I have a hard time pronouncing his last name though I know exactly how to say it, I frown. Damn, maybe I'm higher than I thought. This really is some strong stuff. "Yeah, exactly". Can't say I'm surprised.

_Grimmjow Jaegerjaques_

I feel like complete and total shit when I wake up. I took a lot last night, and my heads pounding hard. Somehow I manage to force myself out of bed though. I go downstairs and find the house empty, my Dad's hardly ever home so it's not surprising. I'm glad that bastards not here. He could fucking die for all I care. I search the house for change for bus fair, I've been selling weed on the side, but spent everything I had on heroin last night. I manage to find some old tokens under a couch cushion and am about to leave before I catch my appearance in the mirror. I'm pale. Too pale, I used to be pretty tan, and it makes me look sickly. My eyes are so blue they don't look real and I cringe in disgust. I've always hated my eyes, the way they always seem to look cynical and harsh. Today their so pale it makes me look like a zombie or something. I look a little dead, why don't I fucking care though? My hairs an untamed mess and I give a futile attempt at taming it, running my hand through tousled locks. Fuck it, whatever.

When I get to school I'm surprised that I'm actually there on time. I sit at the back of the class, staring idly out the window. The last thing I want is for someone to think I want to talk to them. The class starts and I pull out my book so I can at least pretend I'm trying to learn something. The teacher's voice starts to become muddled in the back of my mind as I doodle idly on my paper, thinking about the best way to get laid tonight. A club would be best, a few nice words and a girl would do whatever I wanted. Intoxicated people are so easy. Shit, I'll fuck anyone when I'm drunk enough. All I want is fucking release it's not like I'm going to bring anyone home. Yeah, a club. That's always the easiest way to get a willing-

My thoughts are interrupted as the classroom door swings open, the teacher stopping to look sharply at the late comer. I snicker to myself as I see who it is, Kurosaki fucking Ichigo. He looks flustered, as though surprised that everyone's looking at him. I glance at the clock, he's half an hour late. "Kurosaki, you're over half an hour late." The teacher says sharply, I laugh a little more at his dumb struck expression. He stands there, looking unsure of what to do. "Well?" She asks him again, he opens his mouth stupidly, but says nothing, and the whole class burst's into laughter. "take a seat!" she barks and he jumps a little before sitting down a few seats to my right. As he gets closer I can see that his eyes are bloodshot. This bastard is fucking sky high.

I crumple a bit of paper as the teacher gets back into her lesson. I chuck it and it hits him in the back of the head. He turns and looks at me with that permanent scowl, mouthing a bitter _what._

"Hows the moon?" I whisper, smiling wickedly. His frown deepens as he scribbles something down on the piece of paper I threw at him before throwing it back. It bounces on my desk but I stop it before it slides off the other side. I open it to see a hasty FUCK OFF jotted down, and I laugh again. Kurosaki was fun to tease. I stared at him, taking in his spiky orange hair. Jeez, I'd never seen hair so bright and I thought mine was bad. He was pretty tall, not as tall as me but he couldn't be more than a few inches shorter. He was thin but looked healthy in spite of that he must of smoked like five joints.

I don't smoke weed that much anymore. The high just isn't the same after doing the harder stuff. Just Isn't enough. Thinking about it makes my fingers twitch with the need for another hit and- fuck. I need to get this shit under control. I focus my attention back on annoying Kurosaki, throwing another ball of paper at him, smirking in satisfaction as I watch it bounce off his head. This time I turn away as he scowls at me, pretending to pay attention to whatever the teacher was talking about, the covalent compounds reaction to acids or some shit. I hear him growl slightly in annoyance and barely stop myself from laughing out right. I can see him fuming from here and I want to see him snap. I chuck a small piece of eraser at him, he snaps. "Can you fuck off?!" He say's standing up and I know he must be really high because I've never seen him snap like that, and I've been going to school with this kid since grade school. I smile and lean back in my chair.

The teacher stares at us dumbfounded and Kurosaki seems to realize what he's done because he's blushing so hard his cheeks are redder than his hair. "Kurosaki, that's enough! First you walk in late, and now your disrupting the class. Go to the office, you obviously can't handle being in this class!" She yells, and he stands up quickly apologizing before leaving, sending me hatred filled look as he left the classroom.

As soon as the lunch bell rang I bolted from my seat, sweat lined back of my neck and I couldn't stop the urge to twitch my hand. Fuck it, fuck it all. All I could seam to think about was that feeling of loss so strong I thought It was going to kill me. It was still so fresh and raw and it was my fucking fault. I killed her.

I needed to get high, and soon. I rushed through the hallway, pushing past people roughly, ignoring there protests as I headed for the school doors. Suddenly something was in my way and I snarled angrily as hands grabbed my shoulders, spinning me around. It's Kurosaki, a hard look on his face. He's sobered up, his eyes no longer glassy. He's frowning and like earlier the expression deepens as he looks at me. "Hey, I don't know what your problem is Jaegerjaeque, but you were being a pretty big bastard today. I didn't even do anything to you, so I'd appreciate it if you'd seriously just fuck off. "Oh please Kurosaki, that fucking look of your is enough to piss anyone off, I don't need a reason to fuck with you. Now get the fuck out of my way." I try to push past him but he must be pretty fucking mad because he punches me. Hard. Right in the fucking face. I blink a few times in surprise before kneeing him in the gut with all my strength, punching him again as hunches over in pain. He recovers quickly and punches me again, I try to block it but he's stronger than I thought and it fucks my hand up. The hallways are still busy but people are starting to gather to watch the fight. Fucking freaks that Kurosaki calls friends watching with panicked eyes. Boohoo, fuck them all. But I'm starting to really regret starting this because as much as I love to fight my need to get high is even stronger, and all I want is for Kurosaki to _get out of the fucking way. _

I manage to push past him. I don't even remember how so don't ask. My pulse is racing and it hurts my pride to run away like a little bitch but this is what being and addict does to you. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I needed to take smack, and that I killed my own mother.

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any thoughts? Love it? Hate it?

tell me


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